he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
