Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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