He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize