Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
