all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize