hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
