she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
