I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize