I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
