Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
