You just made me feel so damn special
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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