hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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