On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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