If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize