my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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