need another drink. this is the easiest way
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
