guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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