i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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