You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
