My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
