And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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