And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
