Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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