when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
