i was rollin on her like bob the builder
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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