I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
