who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
