I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
