Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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