I think my fart just growled at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
