Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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