This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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