Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
