You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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