Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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