I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize