You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize