Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
