you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
