Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
