Buhtt sex?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
