My friends, they love my intelligence
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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