You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
