I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
