there's paper in my vomit.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
