so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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