To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
porn star boner night. come get it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
