Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
