Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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