you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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