I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
