Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
