my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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