Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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