Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i dont even know how to be here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
