Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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