I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
