So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize