That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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