summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
