Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
