playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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