i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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