i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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