I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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