Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
