she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
