I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
