I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
