Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
