We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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