Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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