And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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