You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
