i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
bring money and cleavage
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
