Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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